WHEN BREASTFEEDING IS A TERRORIST ACTIVITY

OK guys, get ready for one straight from the comic books.

Or rather, it would be from the comic books if dim witted ignorance and crass idiocy was funny.

So – you know how we have always and will always promote healthy lifestyles for everyone of all ages.

In spite of the modern day adage that faster is better (it’s NOT).

Well, where kids are concerned, breast feeding is the number one method of nutrition for infants.

Bar none.

Forget your fancy infant formulas and your glistening ads of how well suited to kids the stuff in the can is.

Nothing is better than mother’s milk.

You just can’t beat Nature.

Unless stupid gets in the way.

So, let’s cue the scene.

Date: June 8, 2013.

Participants: Belgian diplomat Tom Neijens and his wife Roseline Remans, plus baby girl Luka.

Location: The Metropolis Country Club in White Plains, New York

For those of you who don’t know, that’s one pretty high end Country Club in NY.

A high class joint. Not just for any Tom, Dick and Harry.

A place for wealthy and presumably, very well educated folks.

I am figuring that’s what Tom, first secretary of the Belgium Mission to the UN, and Roseline thought too, when they parked outside with the idea of having a nice lunch there.

Fair enough, they weren’t registered club members.

That was cool.

The club employees said they could still come in and have lunch.

And so they did.

Out on the terrace, to enjoy the peace and quiet.

Well, a family eats as a family. So while waiting for their food, Roseline thought it was the perfect moment to quietly and discreetly breastfeed little Luka at the table.

This is where things started to go a little awry.

Or, as our British friends like to say, they went tits up.

No sooner had she started to breastfeed, than a female employee walked up to the table and sharply rebuked the couple with:

“Please leave immediately. You are disturbing the members!”

The stunned couple glanced at each other in complete awe. Roseline turned to the employee and told her it would only take a few minutes.

Not good enough.

Ms Remans was told to go finish breastfeeding…in the restroom.

Say what??

I am not sure how they classify high end ignorance in this area of NY, but this is one sparklingly pristine example of it.

Unbelievable!!

Understandably miffed, the couple asked why a baby should be required to have lunch in the restroom, while adults could eat outside on the terrace.

Unfortunately, things got even worse from here on.

Within minutes, The Greenburgh Police Department arrived.

Yep. That’s right.

The Greenburgh Police holy guacamole Department!

Because a baby was being breastfed at a quiet corner of The Awesome Metropolis Country Club in White Plains, New York.

Whatcha think about that??

Wait up – there is obviously more.

A certain Detective Scott Harding, waltzed in, yelling for the doors to be closed and the other diners to clear the terrace.

I am assuming this might be because the poor lady’s boobs could have exploded any moment and harmed all and sundry.

According the Neijens, the brave detective was taking no chances.

“He was walking as if he was acting in a Western movie,” Neijens said. “He had one hand on his gun, one hand on his Taser.”

I am thinking that the backup detectives were busy loading up the missile launcher in the car, while Detective Harding was taking care of business.

Understandably reduced to tears, the distraught couple were also told they were trespassing.

That’s despite the fact that they had very clearly been given permission to dine there.

Unless they had dropped into the terrace via parachute – which, considering the movie-tinted circumstances of the whole affair, might also have been the case.

To rub more salt into the wound, Detective Harding told the incredulous couple that some fearful club members also thought they might be terrorists.

Because Tom Neijens was carrying a backpack.

A black backpack.

OK.

Stop a little. Breathe.

Now go back and read that again.

Mind-boggling or what?

Remember – this is taking place at a very high end NY Country Club.

A tearful Roseline asked the question which is probably on every sane reader’s mind right now.

“Why would terrorists breastfeed at a high class NY Country Club?”

And, our plucky Detective Harding, had a zinger for that too.

“In Sri Lanka, babies are used by terrorists.”

What a lights out moment!

Well, once Tom Neijens revealed his identity and his position, Detective Harding did his best to back off his John McClane routine, saying the club had received terrorist threats in the past.

Despite nothing illegal having occurred, the couple were STILL escorted off the premises.

Via the back door.

In the aftermath of the event, and in the now familiar routine of downplay and back rubbing, Lt. B.J. Ryan, a spokesman for the Greenburgh Police Department, labelled the incident as a simple “cultural misunderstanding.”

 

MORAL OF THE STORY

The following is only my opinion boys and girls.

Just in case you think it might be the truth, or it might even be common sense.

Boobs and breastfeeding are not instruments of cultural misunderstandings.

Last time I checked, the young of all human species on the planet – regardless of culture – are biologically specifically adapted to getting nutrition from their mother’s breasts.

Boobs are not bombs.

They come in all shapes and sizes but they are definitely not going to harm anyone.

Not even if they are engorged with milk. Sorry.

Breast milk is not a form of chemical warfare.

Maybe we need to teach this one to those clueless TSA agents in airports as well.

Backpacks are just that…backpacks.

Because the terrorist manual does not state that bombs must be transported specifically and uniquely in backpacks.

Might actually be a good idea to start getting terrified of small briefcases and laptop carrybags too.

Common sense seems to be very uncommon.

God forbid someone actually makes an intelligent assumption when needed.

The naked truth about boobies is quite revealing.

80% of the world’s pornography is created in the US.

50% of the entire porn industry revenue is generated by purchases in the US.

40 million Americans are regular visitors to porn sites.

You’d think the average American person would know a boob is harmless when they see one, right?

 

CONCLUSION

Be careful where you breastfeed.

You never know what nasty surprises ignorance will get you – regardless of how high class or refined the place might seem.

Your engorged boobs might, after all, be weapons of mass destruction.

 

 

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